operation harelip BJ is a go
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
