Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he thought i was a dude.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
