oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
