Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
