do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
