I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
