are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
