Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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