I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
