We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
