I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
