I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
