Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
