What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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