I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
