they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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