Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can't special order awesome
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
