I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
