I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
