batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
