Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
