Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
