I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
