Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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