I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
