Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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