gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
