hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
why do cheetos always look like penises
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
