So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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