I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
