He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
