So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
