Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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