u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
