**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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