i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
