anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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