Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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