The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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