Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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