I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
