Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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