Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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