I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
