Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
