She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she peed on how many people?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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