Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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