Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You smell like stripper and shame
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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