just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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