you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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