i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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