i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
