your room smells of hookers.
And success
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
