Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
