I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
