Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
